


and i promised myself i wouldn't let you complete me

by katebishoop



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4991956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katebishoop/pseuds/katebishoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had come up with four rules for their arrangement:</p><p>1. we are not dating<br/>2. don't tell anyone<br/>3. not mutually exclusive<br/>4. don't fall in love<br/><br/>And one by one, each of those rules came crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i just wanna feel your lips against my skin

Clarke hadn't meant for this to happen.

It had all started one night when she was bored and alone. She had borrowed Octavia's emergency key to Bellamy and Miller’s place, and figured she'd watch something on their tv and steal all their popcorn until one of them got home from work.

After she searched for far too long for the remote, she figured that it was in Bellamy's room. He had the really annoying habit of carrying it with him everywhere he went in the apartment without realizing it.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she'd found.

Bellamy, jerking off.

He was like a deer caught in headlights when Clarke had opened the door. Clarke figured she looked the same. The only sounds were Bellamy's heavy breathing mixed with the pounding of her heart.

Clarke's eyes darted down to his cock, his hand still wrapped around it. She had to resist the urge to lick her lips. She had pictured - well, not exactly _this_. She’s had more than one sex dream about Bellamy. Who _wouldn’t?_ But a dream was a _dream_ \- it wasn’t supposed to mesh with reality, and her mind racing so fast she just blurted: "You want some help with that?"

That started it all.

After the first time (which honestly was the best sex she had had in _months_ ) they had set some rules.

"So, what is this?" He asked between breaths.

They laid together on the bed; legs tangled, sheets scrambled. She could see the sculpt of his face, illuminated by the street light through the blinds of his window.

Clarke propped herself up on her elbow so that she was facing him better. "It's really good sex."

Bellamy snorts, but she can see the red flare on his cheeks. "I mean _this_ ," he motioned his hand in between them.

Now Clarke was stuck. That was _great_ sex. And if she’s being honest, she’s hadn’t had any luck in a while. _And_  now that she thought of it, she hasn’t seen any girls go home with him in while, so he probably has been having the same problem. But she doesn’t want to _date_ Bellamy - they may have worked up to becoming friends, but they are still at each other’s throats more often than not. Besides, Bellamy even doesn’t even  _do_ relationships.

Finally, she decided on: “it's an offer to keep having great sex.”

"Oh, so you’re _propositioning_ me-?” 

Clarke shoved him playfully, "No strings attached. This -” she gestured to their bodies under the sheets “-is not a relationship. We aren’t dating: that'll be rule one."

"So we have rules now?" Bellamy smirked, “of course you’d come up with rules. What’s next then?”

"I don't think anyone should know."

"I'm not even going to argue that one," Bellamy huffed, "We'd never hear the end of it."

“Can you just imagine Jasper finding out?” Clarke said and Bellamy rolled with uneasy laughter.

When he calmed down, he asked hesitantly: "No strings attached implies this is non exclusive, right?"

"Obviously," she rolled her eyes, then reached down to grab his cock, causing him to take a sharp intake of breath, “but are you really expecting a lot of other girls to be in your bed?”

Bellamy took her teasing tone in stride, bucking his up to get her going again around him, "Just don't want to keep you from anything."

It wasn’t until after they had finished round two did they set the final rule.

"So we're good?" Bellamy asked. He still had an air of hesitancy - what did he think, that she was fragile?

"Yeah," Clarke said as she got out of bed, "just don't fall in love with me, Blake." She meant it as a joke, and his response he probably meant jokingly as well, it still struck a cord she would yet to identify.

"You won't have to worry about that."

That was five months ago.

She hasn’t slept with anyone else in three.

It’s not that she meant to… but she never found anyone at the bar she’d like to go home with. But as time went on, she found herself going to Bellamy sooner and sooner into the night. She wasn’t giving up. She was giving in.

Since the first night, the sex had only got better and better. The first time Bellamy went down on her - oh, god, she still shivered with excitement at the memory - was like, a religious experience. She also discovered that she loves the way Bellamy tastes.

It wasn’t just sex, but it wasn’t a relationship either; they weren’t dating, they hadn’t broken that rule. But they’ve been hanging out by themselves more and more often. They’ve been getting along - for extended periods of time! They cuddle and talk after sex. He even got her to watch every episode of _Drunk History_ with him (both the US and the UK editions).

Clarke knows so much more about him now. And that scares her. Because she likes this side of Bellamy much, much more than she probably should.

Was she technically breaking rule three by _only_ sleeping with him? By _only wanting_ to sleep with him?

“Clarke?”

Fuck, what has she-

_“Clarke?”_

“Huh?” She snapped her head up to find Bellamy hovering over the couch next to her.

“You know you’re staring at an blank TV, right?”

Clarke looked and he was right. The remote was in her hand but she hadn’t quite made it to turn on television.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he sat down on the arm of the couch next to her. He was genuinely concerned. He’d always get this little crease when his eyebrows stitched together when he was worried…

“Yeah, I’m,” Clarke shook her head. She needed to chill out, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, I called your name like four times,” Bellamy teased, but he quickly shook his head when he saw her mouth turn into a little frown, “...is there anything I can do to help?”

“I-”

She was cut off when he scooped her up off the couch and over his shoulder.

He had to crane his head back to whisper in her ear: “I think I know a way I can help you unwind.”

Clarke was glad that he couldn’t see her face - flush and bright and red. “Oh, really? Do you have four gallons of Mouse Tracks-”

Clarke felt her whole body shake when he roared with laughter.

“I had something else in mind,” Bellamy said, his voice going deep, “but we get ice cream after, if you’re up for it. I’ll probably be full though-”

Clarke shuts him up by reaching her hand down to slap his ass. “Get moving then, I need my Mouse Tracks.”

“Oh, I’ll be taking my sweet, sweet time.”

Clarke hadn’t meant for this to happen. She hadn’t meant for it to go this far; for her, at least. She’s coming dangerously close to breaking the most important rule and that can only end in disaster. She should just get out while she still can - oh, who was she kidding?

She was too far gone already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


	2. i'm trying not to let it show, that i don't want to let this go

Bellamy could always make her feel better, but lately her joy didn’t last as long as it should have.

Rule number one was that they are not dating. But they sure as hell acted like it, and sometimes Clarke forgot for a little while that they weren’t together.

Eventually though, she remembered.

Like now, at the bar, when Bellamy was flirting with the new bartender.

“What he do to piss you off this time?” Raven asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“What?” Clarke said, snapping out of her daze.

Raven rolled her eyes. “You’re glaring daggers over at him. I can feel your anger from here.”

“It’s-” Clarke shook her head. “It’s nothing more than usual.”

Raven sighed. “Here I was thinking you two were improving.”

“Yeah,” Clarke spared another glance in his direction. His head was thrown back with laughter at something the bartender had said. “I had thought so too.”

“He sure seems to be getting along with Gina though,” Raven nudges her shoulder, looking smug. “I've been trying to set them up for _weeks_.”

Clarke’s grip on her class nearly cracked it. Raven didn’t know, she didn’t know… Overall keeping it a secret was the better call, but then this...

Clarke downed the rest of her drink in one go. “I’m done for the night.”

She slidoff her stool and pushed her way through the crowd before Raven could object. The night was still young, but there was no way she was sticking around to see Bellamy go home with someone else.

* * *

Clarke has a ritual when she’s upset: she puts her phone on airplane mode, blasts her music, and locks herself in her studio.

She’s in there for hours at a time, the longest was eighteen hours.

This time she’s in there for fifteen before she comes. Someone is banging violently on her door, loud enough that it can be heard over her music. It’s the middle of the day, no one should be telling her to quiet down.

“I’m coming!” The banging is only increasing the headache she’s been developing for the past couple of hours. “Jesus fucknig Christ-”

She swung the door open with such force that Bellamy nearly fell ontop of her.

“What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.” Bellamy’s a bit sweaty, his shirt and curls clinging to his body. His attractiveness is only pissing her off right now. And she has no idea how long he’s been out there banging on her door. “You left early last night.”

“I wasn’t really feeling much of anything last night,” Clarke said, shutting the door behind him. When she turned back to him, she found him staring at her, eyeing her up and down. But he didn’t look lustful, just concerned. “ _What?”_

“You’re covered in…” Bellamy swallowed, his voice going small and worrisome. “How long have you been in there?”

Clarke flushed. She used to live with Octavia, so Bellamy was very, very familiar of Clarke’s habit. But still, it was something that was private. “ _It’s_ \- wait where are you going-?” Bellamy was charging past her down the hall.

“How long, Clarke? How many-?” He was almost at the doo, but she ran in front of him, slamming it shut before he could see.

She painted her feelings, always does. Sometimes in the abstract, sometimes more specific. She couldn’t let him see the messy portrait of him that was among her canvases.

“Clarke…” Bellamy looked surprised, a bit hurt even, but mostly just concerned about her. “What’s going on with you lately? What’s wrong?”

_You are._

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Clarke lied.

“Clarke, seriously, this kind of behavior isn’t healthy.” Bellamy ran his hand through his hair, “When was the last time you ate-”

“Stop trying to take care of me!” Clarke snapped. She couldn’t handle this, she couldn’t handle him like this, so close to being what she wanted but still so far from it. “And this isn't something you can just fix by eating me out, okay? I can handle myself.”

Bellamy looked like he'd been slapped in the face, and Clarke hated herself for it. He was much more than that now, so much more. Even without her feelings, they were actually friends, he wasn't just-

"I'll see you around then." Clarke didn't move as he turned away, even though every bone in her body was screaming for her to reach out. 

"Hope you figure your shit out." Bellamy said, before shutting the door behind him.

Clarke sighed. Why does she always manage to screw everything up? Why can't she just get something right? Why can't she just fucking say what she means?

She doesn't know the answer to those questions, but maybe another ten hours of painting would clear her head.

* * *

Clarke didn't mean to show up at his apartment late that next night. But she had finally turned her phone on, to see dozens of messages from her friends, but most were from Bellamy. 

And, fuck, he couldn't stay mad at him - she wasn't even really mad at him. She was upset about Gina, but. He wasn't wronging her or anything, they had an agreement, right? She was more angry with herself, for falling for him, for not being enough for him.

So she changed into something not covered in paint and rushed right over, with some Chinese take-out as a peace offering. But the door was ajar when she got there, and she heard voice arguing from within.

Bellamy's frustrated voice was as clear as day. "Just listen-"

"No, you listen to me," it was Octavia, scolding, and Clarke took a step back, "This has gone on long enough."

"I know that, I didn't mean for it to go this far." Clarke covers her hand to her mouth to keep herself from gasping. 

"You're leading her on. That's not right, Bell."

"I didn't mean to. I thought we had made it clear-"

"Not clear enough! You're miserable like this-

" _I know, O!_ " Bellamy snapped so loudly that it makes Clarke jump, "I don't need you to tell me that I screwed things up. I'm going to set her straight, okay? Tomorrow, I'll go-"

Clarke didn't stay to hear the rest. She couldn't bare to here anymore.

She had known that Bellamy didn't feel the same, but to hear him talk about them, about _her_ , like _that..._

Of all the times her heart has been broken, this has hurt the most. She couldn't even imagine how she'd feel tomorrow, after he ends it. Was it possible for there to be something worse than heartbreak?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven’t updated in like 5 months? And actually completely forgot about this and any plans I had for it? Yep. But I'm working on it. Kinda.
> 
> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


	3. i'm sorry but i fell in love tonight

Clarke has a thing for running away from her problems, but she also has a thing for Bellamy Blake and that's proven to be a real conflict of interest.

Because when he texts her asking if she wants to come over, her mind is screaming at her to ignore it, to run away. But somehow, she ends up outside his door anyway.

The war only continues when Bellamy opens the door, and she silences him with a forceful kiss before he has the chance to speak.

“Clarke-” 

“I’m sorry about the other day.” She’s got him pressed up against the wall, their faces inches apart. “I was angry and upset and said somethings that I didn’t mean and- and I’m okay now. I’ve handled it.” She just wants him one more time, she’s already accepted that this is going to be the last time. She’s putting it off as long as possible.

He looked at her, contemplating, and Clarke squirmed under his gaze. But he  gave her hip a squeeze, in silent reassurance, and that’s all she needs before her lips are on his again.

He hiked her legs up around his waist, carrying her into his bedroom.  He plopped her down on the bed, crowding above her, his lips latching onto the skin of her neck. She gets his shirt off and runs her hands along his back, mapping his muscles.

When they are both undressed, he kisses lower and lower, his hot breath on her, but she gives his hair a tug. He looks up at her with an arched eyebrow.

“No,” Clarke said, breathless, “I need you inside me - _now_.”

If Bellamy’s disappointed he doesn’t let it show. He sank two fingers inside her and Clarke gasps at the feeling. Bellamy will always give her what she wants, but not without waiting for it. When he finally slid into her, Clarke latches onto the feeling of him hard and perfect within her. She wonders how long she’ll be able to remember the feeling.

She’s thrusting her hips up, wanting it hard and fast, but Bellamy has other plans. He braces an arm around her waist to keep her steady as he moves at a tantalizingly slow pace, both in her and on her clit. It’s always like this with them - a give and take, like they were fighting a war.

It’s so good and frustrating that she could cry. This whole situation was so frustrating that she could cry.

She cried out his name when she reached her orgasm, and it felt like a plea on her lips.

When he pulled out, she felt empty in more ways than one. He disposed of the condom and flopped down next to her on the bed. Her fingers curled towards him, but she stopped herself. 

She focused on the weight of him next to her, how the bed dipped, leaning her in that direction. She focused on the warmth he radiated next to her, on the sound of his breathing, on his smell, of just his presence next to her.

She remembered the moment when she realized she loved him. They were on his couch, eating pizza in their underwear, like they’ve done countless times before. He somehow managed to get sauce on his nose, and when she pointed it out he went cross eyed trying to see it. They were both laughing, and Clarke just felt, she had just felt like she was  _ home _ , with him.

“That was a mistake,” Bellamy said dejectedly, and Clarke’s whole body tensed. She had expected some period of relief before this conversation, but she guessed not. “I'm so stupid. I should have- You clearly  _ aren’t _ fine-”

“I  _ am.” _

“Clarke,  _ Jesus Christ _ \- you should have seen yourself!” Bellamy snapped, sitting up on the bed. “You’ve never been more-”

“I have never been better, thank you very much.” Clarke said, her voice dripping with distaste as she got out of the bed and started putting her clothes back on. The instinct to run was kicking in again.

“Clarke, don’t do this. You can’t just shut down on me like this,” Bellamy was on his feet too, the bed between them. “If you keeping doing this-”

“You’ll _what_?” Clarke stormed into the living room, Bellamy on her heels. At some point he had quickly shoved some boxers on and she was grateful for that.

“I want to know what’s going on with you!” Bellamy shouted. “You’ve been distant for weeks! I want to  _ help- _ ”

“Well, you can’t. And besides, why do you even care? You wanted this to end tonight, right? I’m no longer your problem.”

“ _ What-? _ You're the one who can barely stand to be around me-”

“You’ve got Gina now, right? You don't need me anymore.”

“Gina- what does _Gina_ have to do with this?”

“Oh, you know.”

“No, no I fucking don't, Clarke.” Bellamy was angry now, but there was still something in his eyes that made her heart ache. “I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know why you're acting like this, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to-”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Clarke cried. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you.”

Bellamy froze, entire body rigid like stone; staring at her, mouth agape.

“I'm in love with you and I know that isn’t what you fucking signed up for, but it’s fine. You want to be with Gina now, I get it.” Clarke didn’t wipe at the tears pooling her in her eyes, because that would mean acknowledging that they were there. “You said you wanted to end this? I’ll try to get over it. It should be hard, considering-”

“Clarke-” Bellamy’s voice was hoarse ,and she  _ just- _

“I can’t- I’m going to go now. I won’t burden you with this shit anymore.” Clarke spun on her heel and burst through his front door, running down the hallway.

She thought for a second that Bellamy was calling after her, but she couldn’t bare to find out if she was right or if she was wrong. She didn't know which response she'd want, or which one would hurt less.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


	4. is there somewhere you can meet me?

Clarke hadn’t gone back to her apartment. After calming herself down well enough so that she could drive, that’s what she did. She drove, and drove, and drove. She stopped once, when exhaustion was overtaking her, and slept in the back seat, waking up when dawn broke and continuing down the road.

She hadn’t paid too much attention to where she was going, just that she was headed east, towards the coast, towards the beaches of the Delmarva peninsula. She doesn’t realize that she’s in Delaware, and not Maryland, until she finally stops at an internet cafe that’s Delaware _themed_. Which is just - weird. It’s mostly just wooden cut outs of the state and a wall of old license plates.

It also occurs to her that doesn’t even have her phone on her. She must have left it at his place.

Clarke buys herself a hot chocolate and a muffin for breakfast, and fifteen minutes of internet time on one of the ancient computers. It takes five to just to boot up, and a another two for Facebook to load.

She’s thankful, that he doesn’t have an account, because she doesn’t have to stress about if he’s messaged her. She does have several messages from Octavia and Raven both. She opens Raven’s first, since it’s safer.

 **Raven:** bellamy dropped your phone

 **Raven:** he looked like a wreck

 **Raven:** wtf did you guys get into

 **Raven:** clarke where are you

Clarke lets out a sigh and takes a sip of her hot chocolate, grateful for the warmth it brings her.

 **Clarke:** I’m fine. just need to clear my head. don’t worry.

There hadn’t been a green dot by Raven’s name, but she must have been on her phone at the time because she responds right away.

 **Raven:** why the fuck are you in delaware

Clarke forgot about that handy, little, annoying location feature.

 **Clarke:** like I said, I need some space. I’ll be back soon.

 **Raven:** bellamy’s worried about you

 **Raven:** he came by again this morning

Clarke rubs her hands across her face. When she looks back up at the screen, her eyes lock onto Octavia’s message along the side bar. The preview: _he told me not to meddle, so I’m_

Her hand is shaking when she drags the mouse over to click on it. Her eyes close, and it takes her a few deep breaths before she can open them again.

 **Octavia:** he told me not to meddle, so im only going to say this once. you fucked up. he fucked up. youre both fuck ups. but bell is my brother, so if you mess him up, im messing you up. but if you just talk to each other like real, functioning adults i wont have to do that

Then Clarke’s eyes darted to Octavia’s name - the little green dot next to it, and then, the little speech bubble showing that she’s typing. And Clarke does what she does best in these types of situations: she runs.

Quickly, she clicks back over to chat with Raven.

 **Clarke:** please don’t say anything to him

 **Raven:** clarkey

 **Clarke:** I got to go

She’s still got five minutes left of internet time, but she logs out anyway. She has too.

* * *

She finds out what town she is in when she books a motel for the night. Rehoboth Beach - which, okay, isn’t too far off from Maryland, but still. It’s small, and quaint. There’s a little amusement park down by the boardwalk. The sand is soft, but the waves are high and the water’s cold, and just looking out at the ocean is starting to make Clarke feel lonely.

She finds a cute little bookstore. She browses the shelves for a while - until she sees a fancy leather bound edition of _The Iliad_ that she thinks would make the perfect birthday present for Bellamy. She buys herself a little notebook and pen from the store, before wondering the town some more.  Eventually, she finds a park on a small lake’s side, and she sits down on the grass near the water and sketches. She’s focusing on a father with his child across the water, but when she puts her pen down she notices his face has crept into the drawing - in the mess lines of the water and the reflection.

Clarke sighs in frustration and leans down against the grass. It’s late afternoon, the sun shining high above her, warming her like a blanket. The feeling reminds her of him.

Everything is reminding her of him.

She didn’t really want to run anymore - but she didn’t want to go back either. So Clarke stayed there, basking in the feeling the sun gave her, in the memories it brought back.

* * *

She wakes up - she hadn’t even remembered falling asleep, but she had been exhausted, only get a few hours in that morning - when the chilly air blows by her.  Clarke groans, and rolls onto her side; into something warm, and solid, and comforting, and-

Clarke’s eyes shoot open and she sits up - the sun is just setting over the water, how long has it been - there’s a person next to her what _the fuck -_ the _creep-_

Clarke sucks in a breath though, when she sees that it’s not a stranger.

“Bellamy.” His name slips out like a breath. It looks unreal - lying on the grass next to her. She must be dreaming. Yeah, that was it. She was dreaming.

But Bellamy gives her a small, timid smile as he props himself up on his elbows. “Hey,” he sounds exhausted - he would have to have been driving for hours, longer than she had thanks to traffic. Despite that though, his voice washes over her, and she knows that he is very, very real. “We need to talk.”

He looks golden in the setting sun, so beautiful that it scares her. She doesn't trust herself to say anything else. She stares at him for a long while, but she gives him a nod, and relief is immiedate on his face.  She still loves him, rejection hasn't changed that; he still corrupts her better judgement. Besides, he came all this way - he found her, and she has no idea how - so she owes him that much, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happened in this chapter, but the next - and final! - chapter will be up on Thursday before the episode airs. 
> 
> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


	5. you're looking like you fell in love tonight

Bellamy being here - it’s all so surreal that she’s practically on autopilot. Somehow they’ve ended up in her motel room. She hasn’t said a thing - and all he’s said is simple things:  _ do you want my jacket, how about we go back to...  _ Always the caregiver, the big brother.

He’s standing by the bed; she’s on the other side of the room, by the old arm chair, her arms crossed tight around herself.

“How’d you know where I was?” Clarke blurts out. She can’t take the silence anymore. They were both squirming - awkward, uncomfortable. Bellamy’s foot kept moving to take a step forward, then hesitating. 

She knows that Raven did tell him - or rather, showed him - “ _ didn’t say anything, Clarke! You can’t be mad, _ Raven would say. But still - a region wasn’t enough.

“Raven may have hacked your credit card statement, and got the address of the motel charge,” Bellamy says, a bit sheepishly. His hand reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, his shirt riding up. She can’t help herself - she takes a glance down. He clears his throat. “After that - I just tried places I’d thought you go.”

Clarke bites her lip. She doesn’t know how to act in this situation. They hadn’t turned on the light - she can barely make out his features, but if she could, would she even be able to read him?

“How long were you there?” Clarke asks, “Before I woke up?”

“An hour or so?” Clarke’s surprised by the smile on his face - the flash of white teeth in the darkness. “You just looked so peaceful and... I just didn’t want to disturb you…”

Bellamy sighs, but the smile doesn’t leave his face. He take a step forward, into the hazy light of the sunset peeking through the shades. His smile is a bit fond, and wistful, and shy even. It throws her for a loop.

“Why are you here?” She can feel a lump forming in her throat. The only thing that’s stopping her crying at the sight of him? Well, the sight of him. He came over a hundred miles, to find her. That fact is a little bead of hope inside her chest - one that she can’t help but think about.

“I fucked up.” Bellamy fiddles with his hands, not looking at her. “I should have made it clear…”

That bead of hope in her chest? It’s shaking like an earthquake.

“I should have been clear with Gina.” Bellamy goes on, “I hadn’t - I hadn’t realized she was flirting, until Octavia yelled to me about it. I was too hung up on you to notice.”

“What?” It comes out with the breath Clarke hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

“I’ve had a thing for you since I met you, Clarke.” Her eyes lock onto his - she’s frozen in place. “I was half in love with you already when… I figured you never felt the same, but I would take any relationship that I could get with you.”

“I fucked up by breaking our number one rule before we even started.” Bellamy shakes his head. He sounds awed. “But I guess I didn’t fuck up too hard, if you fell in love with me, too right?”

“I mean,” Bellamy licks his lips, “that is - if I didn’t fuck up again - and if you still…?

She realizes, he’s not just fidgety because he’s nervous, but because of the knowledge he has of her feelings. He loves her, and she told him that she did, and now he just wants to reach out to her, being pulled in like a magnet.

She knows that feeling - because in an instant, she bolts, closing the distance between them. She flings her arms around his shoulders and buries her face in his shirt. He smells musty like the inside of his car, and of the ocean. His arms wrap around her waist after a moment of surprise.

“I do,” Clarke says, her voice cracking. She’s crying - but it’s happy and relieved. After everything she had lost in her life, Bellamy wouldn’t be added to that list. “I love you.”

Bellamy laughs - soft, and bright, and dissipating all the tension in his body. He pulls her back to look at her, their foreheads touching, his big brown eyes searching hers.

“Oh thank God.” And then he kisses her.

It’s soft, and sure, and sweet - like nothing that has passed between them before. There isn’t any pretext, there isn’t any rush. It felt searching, exploratory - like two high schoolers sharing a kiss for the first time. But Bellamy and Clarke are much more acquainted than that - the kiss also feels like coming home.

He takes her deeper - his hands come up to cup her face, despite her sticky tear streaked cheeks. Her hands tighten in his shirt - never wanting to let go.

It’s freeing; it’s pure. It doesn’t feel tragic and desperate because they know what they know. She loves him and he loves her.

They sink back onto the bed. And they stay like that for a while - just holding each other's, gentle touches, relearning each other’s bodies through a new lens.

* * *

“How much longer do we have?”

“About hour, hour and a half, maybe.” Bellamy says, handing her an ice cream cone. “That is, if we don’t stop again.”

After spending the night caught up in each other in their own little world, they were finally on their way home. They were somewhere on Kent Island - it was the fourth, fifth time they’ve stopped? They each had to get their own car back to the city, but they just couldn’t stand being apart for two long. They talked to each other over speaker phone - he had brought her phone with him, thank God - but then one of them would make it dirty, and they’d just  _ have _ to pull over.

Clarke didn’t mind at all that this trip was taking four times as long as it should have.

“What?” Bellamy asks her, amused, when she bursts out into giggles.

“You got-” How he managed to get ice cream all over his nose, she has no idea. Bellamy sticks his tongue up to try to lick it off but he can’t reach - and that sends her into another fit of laughter. But then he goes in for a kiss on the cheek, smearing the ice cream all over her face. “ _ Hey!” _

His phone rings again and he pulls back and sighs. “It’s O again.”

“Again?”

“She keeps calling,” Bellamy shrugs, putting his phone on silent and shoving it back into his pocket. “I rather just explain in person - that her yelling at me _ twice _ , you know?”

Clarke laughs and leans into his side. His arm immediately comes around her, his hand stroking her arm.

“I have an idea.” Clarke pulls out her phone and snaps a quick selfie of them.

The lights kind of bad, a glare from the sun. But you can see Clarke’s smile, Bellamy’s lips against her ice cream covered cheek, his happy scrunched up eyes. She sets it as her profile picture and holds her phone out to show him.

“I think that’s just going to make her and the rest of our friends freak out.”

Clarke hums in agreement. “That’s kinda the point.”

His laugh rumbles against her side. “I fucking love you, you know.”

And yeah, she knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally finished the last thing that I started last year woo. I had 0 plan for this and I honestly don't remember what happened, so if you stuck with this - thank you.
> 
> Inspired by [Is There Somewhere by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=686SmDtBOu8).
> 
> come hang out over on [tumblr](http://bellakeyblake.tumblr.com)!


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